“Depression is to me as daffodils were to Wordsworth”

 

Lately I’ve been suffering a little from depression, the kind when you don’t even realise you have it.  This is something I’ve battled with for so many years now.

I find this time of year particularly hard due to the changes of season, when it gets dark early I begin to get depressed.  Which is so odd because if anyone asks me what is your favourite season I always answer autumn. And it is such a beautiful time. But there’s something about the day being over so early that saddens me. 

It makes me think of the things I’ve yet to achieve, how I’m not near where I want to be in my life, don’t get me wrong I think I have a nice life, a happy one, a good one but when I get depressed the bad finds a way to outweigh the good. Not to mention the loneliness and how it starts to feel so unbearable. It’s odd because the rest of the year I can say hand on heart I am happy (well mostly).

Even in my depression I can still see elements of happiness, my son brings me so much joy, my family, friends, I know the wonderful things the world has to offer but some how everything gets a little clouded over.

But what is really odd about me is that as much as I suffer from depression naturally I am an optimist I really do believe that everything will work out in the end, which I’m sure sounds like a very odd thing to say given what I’ve written above and probably somewhat naïve . then i found this qoute which summed up everything.

 “In the midst of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.” — Albert Camus

It’s not just me feeling this way though, ok not everyone is suffering from depression but plenty are suffering from the winter blues.  When I speak to my single friends they all say the same thing every year we all do “I’m lonely”, “I’d like a partner”, being single some how feels harder this time of year, no man to snuggle up to, no special someone to make you feel good, no Mr. right to hold your hand and lend you some support.

The married ones cry of the year being almost over, where as the time gone, another year soon to end, you know what doesn’t help is Christmas cards in the shops in September, what is the matter with these people for goodness sake! Anyway I digress

I guess the point I’m trying to make is that winter affects our moods at least the beginning of winter does for most people anyway.

If you’re like me it’s time to stock up on the winter essentials although mine are mostly herbal

Winter essentials list

 chocolate

Ginseng – check

chocolate

Ginkgo biloba -check

Lots of Khai cuddles – check, check and check

chocolate

Good books – check

Hot chocolate or cocoa- check

Vitamin b complex -check

chocolate

Daylight light bulbs – check

just a little chocolate – check

links on depression:http://helpguide.org/mental/depression_signs_types_diagnosis_treatment.htm

                                         http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Depression/Pages/Symptoms.aspx

Title qoute by Philip Larkin

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6 thoughts on ““Depression is to me as daffodils were to Wordsworth”

  1. Awwww, you’ll pull through!! I was a singal parent myslef and I know it’s hard but you already are doing better by realizing that you have a depression problem and labeling what you need to change to better yourself 🙂 I have manic depression, so I’m right there with you and I just loved this post!!

    • Thank you so much for your comment, I am very moved by the fact you liked this post. Depression is such a difficult illness because most people think it’s the blues but I guess we can only fully identify with what we know and have experienced.

  2. Don’t forget vitamin D! D3 is my favorite weapon against 6 months with no sun. (Well, that and all that chocolate.)
    Every year I hate to see the sun go away. It has still been in the eighties here, so I know it will hit soon! I love your openness and honesty about how, well, depressing it can be to head inside for winter. (And, yes, having someone to snuggle~or 5 someones~ does make it easier, you are right. But Joel works a lot of nights and those winter nights are so. much. longer.) Every year the blues show up, completely uninvited and quite unwelcome. Joel, the Alaskan who loves winter, has started a yearly game with me. Once September hits he just starts randomly naming things to look forward to. He might say “egg nog” completely out of the blue or send me a text simply saying “Peppermint mochas. The pumpkin patch. Christmas trees.” The girls have joined in on the game (“zoo lights!”) and it always makes me smile. I do love the support. Because, when it boils down to it, those little things ARE the big things in the long run, are they not?

    I’m babbling and holding two conversations while I write this…….but the point is this: you are a strong, brave, loving, thoughtful and amazing woman. I get this much just from your blog. I have a feeling that in person you’re a force to be reckoned with. The way you deal with life, with single parenting and the general day-to-day, inspires me from 5,000 miles away. I love this post and it’s little reality check for the rest of us. And before you know it, we really will be half-way out of the dark. Hang on to that invincible summer!

    • Wow how delightfully touching and kind. Your comment completely moved me to tears; thank you so much, it means a lot you have no idea!

      I did want to say as well that I absolutely love the game you all play naming things to look forward to, what a great idea and such a sweet thing to do anything that brings a smile to your face when the gloomy greyness of winter arrives is a wonderful thing.

  3. Aw, I think that you just need a little chocolate! It is the season though, but there is nothing wrong with just being damn depressed sometimes! It just means you are completely normal. And you are a single momma, props to you!! You are amazing, you are doing an amazing job. It’s hard work! Of course we wouldn’t have it any other way, but sometimes life can bear overwhelming. Stay a float, and remember, hot bath, glass of wine, a little chocolate and maybe for you….go dancing with the girls, you’re not just a momma, you are a beautiful woman too!!

    Lynn

    • Thank you so much for you encouraging words, you are so right that things can feel unbearable but sometimes remembering to make yourself socialize like going dancing with the girl (something I haven’t done in years) and Omg how could I have forgotten this to list bubble baths and a lovely glass of merlot. They all help to supply comfort and warmth

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