Eight grey hairs and counting

 

I turned thirty three on the 9th of April and I’m not sure how I feel about it,  I mean I’m glad I’m alive! And I’m so blessed to have a gorgeous son, family and friends but I still can’t believe that this is where I am in my life at this age.

I was talking to a friend about this the other night about feeling as though I were at a crossroad AGAIN but this time having everything in place like little life lines foraged and placed in rows waiting for the next step to be taken.  The problem though is the amount of courage needed in order to arrive at the next stage it feels very overwhelming and I am extremely aware of the risks of defeat. I more or less feel as if battle is about to commence.

There are so many things I want and infact need to do and be in my life, but there now truly is a time limit on everything, it’s always been there but it’s beginning to evaporate at a much more rapid rate and every time I begin to think about it my head starts screaming “why in hell did you leave everything this late, why didn’t you know better sooner”.

I know that I’m coming across as pessimistic but I have eight grey hairs and counting, physical reminders {alerts if you like) that time is not waiting around for me to catch it up.  

But I am believe it or not an optimist and I do believe (deep down sometimes so so deep I really have to fight to find it but it is there) that everything will work out because it has to simply because I’m tried, and I’m aware that I’ve not always been a willing participant in the path my life takes, of not always steering myself wholly in the best direction and this is what is changing it’s been several years now that I have slowly began to gain achievements that have impact most small some larger and I view my son to be the biggest of all, but now it’s time to realize the others with every day that comes I feel stronger, almost battle ready!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s